COLLEGE CHANGES: Daniel Webster College freshman Brittni Woehl said she has largely abandoned gym shorts and T-shirts for slightly more formal clothing. (DAVID LANE/UNION LEADER)

That nose ring you got last month was cool. So was the tattoo on your forearm and that wild haircut your roommate talked you into last weekend.

But Thanksgiving is nearly here.

Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Daniel Webster College developed a program this year for parents and students, especially freshmen, designed to take some of the shock out of the answer to that question.

“I stress good communication — earlier rather than later,” said Pam Graesser, a counselor at the college. “The time to start talking about expectations or changes isn’t the Wednesday they get home before Thanksgiving.”

Graesser organized the “Going Home” program, held Thursday at DWC and Friday at Rivier College, in hopes of getting out front on an issue she sees playing itself out year after year:

College freshman gets dropped off at her dormitory; parents leave; freshman gets first taste of life on her own; school lets out for first holiday break; stranger shows up on parents’ doorstep.

Cell phones and e-mail reduce the distance between college students and the families they leave behind, but modern technology cannot always cushion the shock of that first reunion.

“I’m about to go through it,” said Susan Elsass, DWC’s vice president of student services. “I’ve worked in higher education for 20-plus years. Here’s the true test.”

Elsass’ son, Casey, is a freshman at Marymount College in Manhattan. He’ll be coming home to Nashua over Thanksgiving for the first time since being dropped off in the fall.

“He’s been in the city that’s going 24 hours a day,” said Elsass, adding that they are in regular contact. Though she doesn’t expect any big surprises, Elsass said her work has taught her to be prepared.

“You hope that communication that you’ve worked on all these years kicks in and works,” she said.

Brittni Woehl, 18, a freshman flight operations major at DWC from Lodi, Calif., is taking the long trip home for Thanksgiving. She doesn’t expect fireworks over the break, but she knows there will be adjustments on both sides.

“I’ll probably feel more independent when I get home . . . I’ll want to make my own food and things like that,” she said, adding that her parent won’t be shocked but a little surprised by her appearance. “My hair’s a lot longer than it was before, and I dress a lot differently.”

Woehl said she calls her folks every day and frequently communicates with them online. Still, she anticipates some issues coming up that she has purposely avoided.

“When I left home I had a curfew of 1 a.m., and I’m definitely going to want to stay out later than that,” said Woehl, adding that she has no idea how well her concept of curfew — basically no curfew — will go over back home.

Graesser said that’s not the way to handle it. She said Woehl and her parents should let each other know exactly what their expectations are regarding curfew, chores and family involvement before she heads home.

Students are sometimes nervous about the holiday break because they need to reveal poor grades or changes in sexual orientation and religious beliefs.

Often as not, though, there are no shocking moments, said Graesser. And sometimes, she said, it’s mom and dad who have surprises in store for returning children.

Students may have an already rocky home life due to substance abuse by a parent, or they may come home to discover their parents are splitting up. “Some kids go home to a battleground,” said Graesser, “so we teach a lot of self-care at this time of year.”

There’s also good news. Elsass said she hears from parents all the time, and many of them are pleasantly surprised.

“This semester I’ve gotten some letters from parents already who have written and said, ‘Oh my gosh . . . I’m just so pleased they made this decision and that they’re doing so well.’”

Graham Bostrom, 19, is a sophomore from the Washington, D.C., area majoring in flight operations at DWC. He said the Thanksgiving break is so short it was uneventful for him last year, but the month at Christmas and summer break involved adjustments on both sides.

The biggest change, he said, was he couldn’t stay up past midnight the way he had throughout the school year.

Bostrom is following the “Going Home” program tenets. He said he’s considering staying at school next summer, an idea he has already broached with his parents. He said they responded by asking him to provide them with a detailed plan.

“They’re pretty good about it,” said Bostrom. “That’s the thing that’s good about (college); they kind of treat me like an adult.”